‘I am really angry with you.’ ‘Why?’ I reply. ‘You’re not listening to me.’ ‘What makes you think I’m not listening?’ Martha pauses, apparently considering the question, ‘Okay, so you do listen but I don’t think you get me, I don't feel seen and you don’t show empathy. It’s like you have no compassion.’ ‘Ah,’ … Continue reading Wanting doesn’t get what you’ve already got

‘I don’t really have anything else to say, how about you?’ David hands the session over to me. As this is our last session for six months these remaining minutes may become significant. ‘There is something I could share,’ my voice sounds hesitant and uncertain though it feels more excited than anything else. I had … Continue reading Your erection is my transitional object?

Following my previous blog, Forgiveness as a form of revenge I intended for this one to describe how hate is a better alternative to forgiveness (without itself being revenge). However when confronted with the unforgivable, hate is so much more. Hate is a better way to heal pain and let go of hurt and resentment. … Continue reading The value of hate

I do not recommend forgiveness as a form of revenge as there are better ways to achieve many of the aims of revenge and forgiveness without resorting to either. Forgiveness as revenge is a neglected topic, and yet for anyone considering forgiveness this aspect is best not overlooked or underestimated. In many ways forgiveness commends … Continue reading Forgiveness as a form of revenge

The day I refer to was the day I met the Queen. The thought came a few moments before meeting her. A thought’s capacity to disturb mostly depends on its context. For example the thought of voluntarily stepping off a cliff without wanting to might only be disturbing if it comes while stood at the … Continue reading The day I thought about stabbing the Queen

This blog tracks coming out to its end and ultimate value. Although coming out is synonymous with gay and queer communities it has value for everyone. One of my gay colleagues remarked that me writing about it is, ‘a gratuitous act of cultural appropriation,' though he was teasing, he has a point. Even so, in … Continue reading The final coming out

This blog was not intended to be my next blog, the intended one didn't come out as it got hijacked by my mind (hence this blog). While going out of your mind is a euphemism for ‘going’ insane and also a sort of coming out, this blog is not about madness or coming out. This … Continue reading Out of my mind

When peace broke out on Christmas Eve in 1914 on the Western Front, there was no conflict resolution. Soldiers exchanged gifts with the enemy, sang carols and played football together in No Man's Land. How such peace can come about and its relationship to conflict is the subject of this blog. ‘Break out’ is the … Continue reading ‘Conflict resolution? No thanks, I prefer peace…’

This blog is about an encounter I had some years ago with a dragon on the morning train from Cambridge to London. It recently came to mind while reading The Wisdom of Psychopaths by Dr Kevin Dutton. A few years after this encounter the dragon would find himself at The Old Bailey accused of a … Continue reading A spiritual battle with a dragon

Dear Reader, I'm aware your first thought upon reading the title is probably not whether I am the best therapist, more likely you are wondering why I made the statement. You might also wonder who would see a therapist that would make such a statement, - me too. The usual interpretations for making such a … Continue reading Why I am the best therapist

As I opened the front door a chimpanzee shot straight past me upstairs to the kitchen. A moment later I could hear thudding and banging, before I was able to follow her, she emerged at the top of the stairs, fruit clutched in her hands and feet, and tucked under her chin. I wait and … Continue reading Chimpanzee on the couch

Perhaps no one has ever been sufficiently truthful about what 'truthfulness' is. Friedrich Nietzsche I am a big fat liar. As if proof were needed, there are at least two lies in the previous sentence. Like all of us I have been lying to myself for a long time, probably since I started using language … Continue reading ‘I seek the truth,’ spoke the liar